


Winter Song

by Zee487



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Stepbrothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:55:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21924001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zee487/pseuds/Zee487
Summary: Seven years ago, Jensen crushed his stepbrother's heart. Now, he has to face Jared again for the holidays. What's a boy to do?
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 5
Kudos: 129





	Winter Song

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thegreatwall0fsam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatwall0fsam/gifts).



> HUGE thanks to @lavish_squalor who beta'd this for me and kept me going when I felt like I couldn't possibly write one more word. Love you!

Contrary to what the Internet might tell you, there’s no good way to tell your mama that you aren’t coming home for Christmas because you are in desperate, pathetic love with your stepbrother. Jensen would know. He’s tried about fifteen different excuses so far, and Donna has blown right through every one.

“I really have to work,” he starts again.

“Nonsense,” Donna brushes him off. “I’ll call up your boss myself and tell him he needs to let my boy come home for Christmas.” The problem is that Jensen knows she really would. He sighs.

“I just want my whole family under the same roof for one holiday. It’s been so long,” Donna sounds misty, like she’s on the verge of crying.

Jensen rubs his temple. “Is it just going to be the three of us?”

“No, of course not. Jared actually comes home for Christmas every year,” Donna sniffs. “Please, Jensen.”

Jensen thunks his head against the desk. This is a bad idea. This is a terrible idea. This is why he’s avoided going home for the holidays for seven years. 

“Okay, Mama. I’ll be home for Christmas.”

\------

Jensen stares out the windshield at the house in front of him. He has so many memories in this home, from the moment that Donna and Jensen moved in ten years ago. Most of those memories were good, some were bad, and some were the source of the guiltiest and hottest fantasies Jensen’s ever had, all of them involving his tall, lanky younger stepbrother with the mysterious eyes and sunshine smile. 

Donna and Gerry had started dating when Jensen was seventeen, and had been married within the year. He had met Jared shortly after their parents started dating. Jared had been a scrawny, tiny thirteen-year old who had hair in his eyes and a bright smile that instantly made Jensen want to protect him from the rest of the world.

By the time Jensen went off to college the next year, he and Jared had become as close as real brothers. He talked to Jared more than he talked to Donna, about everything and anything-the Mavs, the Cowboys, Jared’s school, Jared’s debate team, Jensen’s brief stint as a Boy Scout. When the homesickness got to be too much, he called Jared and listened to him chatter as the knot in Jensen’s chest slowly eased. 

But then Jensen had come home for summer vacation after his sophomore year of college and Jared -sweet, tiny, ball-of-sunshine Jared -had suddenly grown up to be this tall, lanky boy who liked to stare at Jensen from under his bangs and had a disturbing habit of touching Jensen just a little too long.

Jensen had been doing an okay job of steadfastly ignoring the shameful tug of arousal he felt every time he looked at Jared when Jared had finally cornered him in the kitchen one summer evening. 

Jensen carefully doesn’t meet Jared’s eyes as Jared saunters into the room. 

“Hey,” Jared says. “Been looking for you.”

“I just got home a couple of minutes ago,” Jensen says, focusing intently on the ice cream in front of him. He tenses when Jared slides into the chair next to him. He can feel goosebumps on his arm. 

“Jensen,” Jared says. “I need to tell you something, and it’s really important to me.” He sounds upset.

Jensen immediately turns to him. Jared is staring at his hands and he looks like he’s on the verge of tears. Jensen puts his arm around Jared’s shoulder and Jared just crumples into Jensen’s side. He sniffles.

“Promise you won’t hate me?”

“I could never hate you,”Jensen promises. 

“I think I’m in love,” Jared whispers. 

Jensen’s heart drops. For a moment, he’s overwhelmed by the sudden rage he feels towards whatever undeserving asshole Jared has fallen for. He takes a deep breath. He’s going to do the mature thing and help Jared through this. He can murder people later.

He tugs Jared closer. “Hey, man. It’s okay. You shouldn’t ever feel scared to tell me these sort of things.” 

Jared buries his face into Jensen’s shoulder and says something completely muffled by Jensen’s shirt.

Jensen nudges Jared. “Didn’t hear you, little brother.”

“It’s you,” Jared says, quietly. Hopefully.  
Jensen’s heart stops again. He’s going to die of shock at twenty years old. “What did you say?”

Jared rubs his face against Jensen’s chest. “I’m in love with you, Jensen.”

Jensen shoves back from Jared. “Jared, we can’t.”

Jared follows him. “Yes, we can, Jensen. I love you.”

“We’re brothers, Jared,” Jensen argues.

“Not by blood. Nobody would care.”

“I care!” Jensen snaps. His heart is beating faster than it ever has before. Everything he hadn’t even dare dream about is suddenly being dangled in front of him.

Jared presses on. “I bet Dad and Donna would be cool with it. They know we spend a lot of time together.”

Jensen shakes his head. “I can’t, Jared. I can’t do that to you. You’re only sixteen.” 

“I know what I want!” Jared argues. He’s standing in front of Jensen, eyes full of unshed tears and his heart on his sleeve. Jensen’s never seen anything or anyone more beautiful. 

And Jensen? Shoves out of the kitchen and out of the house. He runs away like a coward, and he’s been running ever since. 

He’s managed to avoid Jared for years now. He’s become a pro at dodging him, vetting family gatherings and avoiding holidays like the plague. He ignores phone calls and emails and finally, Jared stops trying to talk to him. The day that Jensen realizes Jared hasn’t attempted to contact him in two weeks, he goes straight to the nearest bar and gets blindingly drunk. 

And now he’s here. Sitting in front of the house where it happened. Chances are very good Jared’s in that house, and he’s going to have to finally face the full consequences of his stupidity. 

Jensen grabs his bag and climbs out of the car. No point in prolonging this any longer. God knows he’s done that long enough.

He lets himself into the house quietly. He knows his mom and Gerry are still going to be at work, but Donna had let Jensen know that Jared will probably be home. He walks to his old bedroom without running into Jared, dumps his bag down on his old bed, and listens to see if he can hear any clues about where Jared is. 

He hears the tinny sound of a movie playing in the basement and has a brief internal struggle. Does he go search Jared out? Avoid him at all costs? He steels himself and marches towards the stairs. Better to do this now than get ambushed by it later.

He can see a tousled head of hair poking over the top of the couch. Jared’s watching “Elf,” and Will Ferrell has just poured an entire bottle of syrup over a plate of spaghetti.

Jensen clears his throat. “Hey, Jared.” Jared turns to look at Jensen, and Jensen feels like he just got punched in the gut.

Jared has existed in Jensen’s mind for the last seven years as the tall, beautiful boy who shyly told Jensen he loved him. But this Jared? This Jared in front of Jensen right now? This Jared is a man. 

His hair curls around his face. He has a five o’clock shadow. His shoulders are insanely broad. He could probably lift Jensen with one hand. His jaw looks like it could cut glass. He’s honestly the most stunning man Jensen has ever seen, and Jensen is definitely staring at him like an idiot.

Jared coolly gives Jensen a once-over. “So. You’re back,” he says disinterestedly, and turns back to his movie. 

Jensen can feel himself gaping at the back of Jared’s head. Holy shit. Thank God Jared seems to have moved past whatever feelings he had for Jensen, because if Jensen found teenage Jared hard to resist, full-grown-man Jared is going to be impossible. 

Jensen collapses into the chair beside the couch. Jared seems intent on the movie and Jensen takes full advantage to soak in every last, long inch of Jared Padalecki’s body. He has to have grown several more inches since Jensen last saw him, and Jensen would put good money on Jared being taller than him now. His hands are enormous. His waist is tiny. His t-shirt is doing its level best, but Jared’s chest is straining the seams. He’s wearing gray sweatpants that do little to hide any details. 

“Stop staring,” Jared snaps.

Jensen flushes. “Sorry. You just look so grown-up.”

Jared snorts. “Yeah. That’s what happens in seven years. Surprise, surprise, people get older.” He cuts a glance over to Jensen. “Looks like you got old too.” 

Jensen huffs a laugh. “Yeah, I guess I did.” He looks down at himself. “Aged like a fine wine, though, if I do say so myself.”

Jensen can see Jared’s dimples start to pop out before Jared schools his face again. “Good to see your ego hasn’t shrunk at all.”

“It’s hard to mess with perfection,” Jensen says. He musters up his courage. “Jared, I want to talk to you before our parents get here.”

“Nothing to talk about,” Jared says, staring determinedly at the TV. “We haven’t run into each other for seven years, now you’re here. Donna is gonna be thrilled you’re back. She hasn’t stopped talking about it for days.”

“I’m sorry,” Jensen interrupts. “I’m sorry for running away last time. And I just want to explain myself a bit-”

Jared gets up. “Nothing to explain. I was a dumb kid, you said, ‘Not happening,’ and that’s all there is to it.” 

Jensen follows him. “That’s not exactly it, Jared-”

Jared spins and shoves Jensen back. “That’s all there is, Jensen! You made that perfectly clear by ignoring me for years!”

“I ignored you because I was in love with you! And excuse me for feeling guilty for wanting to fuck my little brother!” Jensen shouts back.

Jared sneers. “Yeah, I’m sure, Jensen. Go fuck yourself.” He storms up the stairs and slams the door at the top. 

Jensen bangs his head against the wall. That could have gone about a million times better.

\-----

Donna and Gerry are predictably thrilled to see Jensen. Gerry gives him a big hug and tells him that he’s glad to give Jensen his presents in person. Donna keeps making emotional comments about her family finally being under one roof. Jensen feels like more and more of an asshole for staying away for the holidays for so long. 

Jared, meanwhile, almost completely ignores him. Not so obviously that Donna and Gerry notice, but Jensen can feel the absence of Jared’s attention like a missing limb. 

After dinner, they’re all sitting on the patio, enjoying the unusually warm weather. Donna is explaining the upcoming marathon of family holiday parties, and Jensen is leaning back. It’s soothing to be back here, back in Texas, back with his family, back with Jared just a few short feet away. 

“Are you seeing anybody right now, Jensen?” Gerry interrupts Donna’s monologue about Aunt Gloria’s Christmas party. 

“Nah,” Jensen says. “Still single.”

“You and Jared both,” Gerry grumbles. “You boys need to give us some grandkids before we’re too old to enjoy them.”

“Come on, Dad,” Jared groans. “I’m twenty-three. And gay. There’s a good chance you’ll never get grandkids.”

“Nonsense,” Gerry dismisses. “Donna, tell these boys they need to get their asses in gear.”

Donna laughs. “Gerry, leave these poor boys alone. They’ll find their partners when the time is right.” She pats Jensen’s leg. “I’m just grateful to have us all back together again.”

Jensen smiles back at her. “I’m glad to be home for the holidays too, Mama. I’m glad to be here with all of you.” He looks over at Jared. Jared looks back at him, then looks away.

\----

He can feel Jared’s eyes following him the next several days. They don’t really have time alone. Between their parents and the million family Christmas parties they have to attend, it feels like people are surrounding them constantly. Jensen can feel Jared looming though, an ever present presence.

The day after Christmas, Jensen goes downstairs to find Gerry and Jared in the kitchen. He stumbles to the coffee maker and fumbles for a mug. 

Gerry laughs. “Still a caffeine addict, huh?” 

“Mghhh,” Jensen says and starts chugging.

Gerry stands up. “I gotta get going. If you boys are looking for something to do today, I wouldn’t mind if you took a round on the mower today. The backyard is starting to look a little long in the tooth.”

Jared nods. “Yeah, we can do that.” Gerry slaps Jared on the back and walks out.

When Jensen turns around, Jared is watching him carefully. “You’re still not leaving, huh.”

“No, I can do my work from here, so I’m planning on sticking around until after New Year’s,” Jensen tells him. “What about you?”

“I’m here until the 30th, then I’m heading back up to Austin,” Jared says. 

“You’re working as an engineer, huh? You always were a big math geek,” Jensen teases. 

Jared smiles. “Yeah, well. It pays the bills anyway.” He fiddles with his fork. “What about you? You think book publishing is your passion?” 

Jensen sits down across from Jared. “I don’t know if it’s a passion, but I like it. I’m good at it. I can do my job anywhere, and I like that part of it.” 

“So all those times you told Donna that you couldn’t come home for work?” Jared asks.

Jensen sucks his lip. “Made up because I couldn’t handle seeing you.”

Jared looks like Jensen just punched him. 

“Jared, no, I mean that I couldn’t handle what I did to you,” Jensen rushes to explain. “I was such an asshole and a coward and I was supposed to be your big brother and I just couldn’t handle what I was feeling-”

“And what were you feeling?” Jared asks.

“Like I love you.” 

Jared is quiet for a moment. Then Jensen feels a big foot nudge his, and he hides his smile behind his mug as Jared entangles their feet. Jared smiles down at his food too. They sit that way quietly as Jared finishes his breakfast and Jensen slowly drinks his coffee. 

Afterwards, they wander outside and Jensen watches as Jared gets the mower started and gets to work. 

He runs back inside, grabs his computer from his bedroom, and sets up on the patio as Jared starts circling the lawn. It’s still ungodly hot for December, but it feels good to soak up the sun as he answers emails. About an hour in, Jared makes the excellent decision to take off his shirt, and Jensen’s view gets considerably better.

He’s frowning down at his laptop when he hears the mower engine putter out. Jared is walking back up to the patio, carrying his shirt in his hand.

Jensen whistles. “Looking good, Jay.” 

Jared turns red, but preens. “Like what you see, big brother?” His tone is cocky, but there’s insecurity in his eyes. In that moment, Jensen makes a decision. No matter what the repercussions are, no matter what fall-out there is, he’s going to be bluntly honest with Jared. If that means that Jared never wants to see him again, so be it. At least this time, Jensen would be able to live with that knowing it was Jared’s choice.

Jensen meets Jared’s gaze. “Yeah, I do.”

He stands up and takes one step closer to Jared, letting every single feeling he has for Jared, everything he’s tried to suppress and repress for the last seven years shine through eyes. “I like what I see a lot.”

Jared swallows, then sets his shoulders back and moves forward. “We doing this?” 

“If you want to, I’m in,” Jensen murmurs, placing his hands on Jared’s bare chest. He can smell the sweat and salt of Jared’s skin, and his mouth waters.

Jared groans. “Fuck, Jensen. How are you still so damn tempting?” 

Jensen shrugs and runs his hands up Jared’s chest to link around his shoulders. He leans forward to nose at that tempting little pool of sweat on Jared’s clavicle and slowly drags his tongue across it.

Jared sucks in a breath. “Fuck.” He grabs Jensen’s lower back and pulls him all the way flush with his body, close enough that Jensen can feel the hard ridge in Jared’s gym shorts. Jared wedges his leg between Jensen and flips them around, walking backwards until he has his back against the house and Jensen is leaning on him. 

Jensen can feel himself getting hard so quickly that he’s surprised he doesn’t faint. He stands up on his tippy-toes to get the right angle to thrust against Jared. They’re panting and Jared keeps making these tiny little whimpering sounds that make Jensen just want to crawl inside him as far as he’ll let Jensen go. 

Jensen buries his face in Jared’s neck and bites down hard. Jared comes with a shudder and a muffled moan.

Jensen is almost there when Jared finally shakes himself out his climax haze and runs his hands down to Jensen’s ass. He pulls Jensen in even closer, and tilts his head so his mouth is right by Jensen’s ear. “Come on, big brother. Give it to me.”

Jensen comes so embarrassingly hard that he blacks out for a second. When he comes to, Jared is cradling Jensen to him and... laughing? Jensen frowns up at Jared, and Jared grins down at him, face full of sheer joy. “Got a thing for me calling you big brother, Jensen?”

Jensen hears the front door open inside the house and jumps back, frantically pulling his shirt over the stain on his pants. He looks up at Jared. “We need to clean up before Mama sees us. But, Jared? This isn’t over.” Jared’s still grinning at him, but he nods. “Yeah. I’ll come find you later.”

Jensen can’t keep the stupid smile off his face as he’s showering. Jared still likes him. Jared’s still interested. And Jensen isn’t stupid enough to ruin this glorious, miraculous second chance. 

He dries off, throws some sweats and a t-shirt on, and goes to find Jared again. He discovers him sitting in the basement again, staring blankly at the dark TV. He clears his throat, and Jared jumps up and turns around.

Jensen walks over to stand in front of him. “Jared-”

“No, let me talk for once,” Jared interrupts him. “I have some things I’ve needed to get off my chest for seven years, and you owe me the chance to say them.”

Jensen nods and mimes zipping his lips and throwing away the key.

“That day, those weeks afterwards... You didn’t just say no to me, to the possibility of a relationship with me,” Jared says. “You left me. I lost my brother. I lost my best friend. It felt like you hated me and I had torpedoed the best part of my life. I hated myself for years. And now... I just worry that this is maybe about how I look. Like I’ve grown up okay and my ass is real tight and you’re just looking to get laid...” He trails off, somehow managing to look like a puppy that just got kicked. 

Jensen shakes his head in disbelief. “Jared, I love you, but you are an idiot. You could have grown up into the ugliest person on the planet, and I still would have loved you. Why do you think I avoided you for seven years?”

Jared shrugs. “Because you hated me and were disgusted that you were into the thought of sleeping with your little brother?”

Jensen grabs Jared’s chin and tilts it to look at Jensen. “No, Jared. I hated myself. I ran away for seven years in the hope that you would have moved on. That I was such an asshole that you would fall out of love with me or realize it was just infatuation. I hoped you could get over it. Because, Jared?” He steps closer to Jared. “I knew I wasn’t going to. I knew the second I saw you, I was going to fold like a cheap suit. I’m so fucking in love with you, Jared, that it terrifies me.” 

Jared closes his eyes and sways into Jensen’s arms. They stand there for a moment, holding onto each other so tightly Jensen might have bruises in the morning. He doesn’t care. He’s going to let Jared hold on to him however the hell he wants. 

Jared eventually loosens his grip and steps back. He’s wiping his eyes as inconspicuously as possible, and Jensen pretends not to notice.

“This doesn’t make me forgive you,” Jared says. 

“I know,” Jensen says.

“And it doesn’t completely explain what happened. Why you said no in the first place.” 

Jensen stares at his feet. “Come on, Jared. You know why I said no.”

Jared scoffs. “You feel that guilty about that little incest kink you have? Jensen, tons of people have them. It’s the reason why this exact scenario is splashed all over Pornhub.”

Jensen shakes his head fiercely. “No, I don’t feel that bad about that part of it. Jared, I said no because you were too young. And while I might like someone calling me ‘brother’ during sex, it’s completely different when it’s my baby brother doing it. We’re already gay in Texas, and now we’re stepbrothers who are gay for each other, and oh, by the way, one of us is a minor? You deserved a shot at a normal relationship.”

“You don’t get to make that call for me,” Jared says quietly.

Jensen swallows. “I know. And I’m sorry. I’ll do whatever you want, Jared, I really will-”

He’s interrupted by Donna coming down the stairs. “Oh, there you boys are! I’ve been looking all over for you. Will one of you drive me into town? Gerry has promised me a special night out on the town and I'm supposed to meet him there when he gets off work.” 

“Yeah, I will,” Jensen says. He looks at Jared. “Give you some time to think about things.”

Donna looks back and forth between the boys. “Is something going on here?” 

Jensen walks towards the door. “Nothing to worry about, Mama.”

He zones out on the way into town, letting Donna fill the silence. Finally she pauses, and looks at him. “Are you okay? You’re being pretty quiet. Does this have to do with Jared at all?”

Jensen smiles at her. “I’m okay, Mama. Just have a lot on my mind.”

She looks at him. “Well, you know I’m always here if you need to talk.”

“No, I’m good. Enjoy your date with Gerry.” He pulls into a parking spot.

Donna smiles back at him. “I will. He’s a good man, you know. Jared is too. Those Padalecki boys are good for us.” 

Jensen laughs. “Yeah, I guess they are.”

She leans across the car to give Jensen a kiss on the cheek. “Well, you boys enjoy yourself tonight. Gerry got us a hotel room, so we’re living it up on the town. I feel like I’m in my twenties again!”

“Have fun, Mama,” Jensen watches her get out of the car.

By the time Jensen gets back to the house, it’s dark out. The house is quiet when he lets himself in. 

“Jared?” he calls. Nobody answers.

He walks through the living room to check the back patio. The pool is lit up by the lights under the water, and Jensen see Jared, floating on his back, hair drifting around his face like a halo. Between the dim lights in the pool and the Christmas lights hung on the trees around the pool, Jared looks otherworldly. 

Jensen pulls the patio doors open and steps outside. Jared turns to look at him, and then turns his attention to the sky once more.

“I’m sorry,” Jensen says. Jared’s quiet. 

“I just keep feeling like I’m corrupting you. Like I’m the pervert who wants to fuck his little brother.”

Jared rolls his face towards Jensen and raises his eyebrows. “Don’t you?” 

Jensen scrubs at his face. “Jared. God. You know I do.” 

Jared sinks under the water. Jensen watches as his long, sleek body flips underwater and gracefully swims to the other side of the pool. He comes up facing Jensen and slowly slicks his hair back. He leans back against the side of the pool and regards Jensen carefully. 

“What do you want from me?” Jensen asks. “Because honestly, at this point, I want whatever I can get from you.”

“I want you to strip.” Jared says. Jensen swallows. “Okay.” He pulls his shirt over his head, unbuttons his pants. He stops when he’s in his briefs, and Jared shakes his head. “Completely naked, Jensen.”

He looks like a benevolent sea god, all wet and dripping, arms spread wide on the side of the dimly lit pool, smirking as he watches Jensen trip out of his underwear. He gestures towards himself. “Well, come here then.”

Jensen almost drowns himself in his eagerness to comply. He stops right in front of Jared, still not quite daring to reach out and touch. Jared smiles at him. “You know what I want from you, Jensen?” Jensen stares into those ever-changing eyes. His “what?” comes out embarrassingly breathy. 

Jared finally moves, puts a big hand on the side of Jensen’s face. “I want you to fuck me, big brother.” 

Jensen breaks. He crowds up against Jared, letting his mouth drag down Jared’s jawline. Jared twists his head and finally, finally, Jensen is kissing him. He loses himself in Jared’s mouth, would be perfectly content to hang out here in the pool, kissing him until they both are pruned and sore with it, but clearly Jared has other plans. He breaks off from the kiss and lifts himself partially out of the pool, putting Jensen’s mouth conveniently at chest level. Jensen takes full advantage of his angle to attack Jared’s chest with the enthusiasm it deserves. 

He rolls the left nipple in his hand while he sucks on the right. Above him, Jared has his head thrown back and his eyes are closed. He’s panting, and when Jensen starts using his teeth, he groans, “Fuck, Jensen.” 

Jensen lets one hand drift around to the small of Jared’s back. He slowly slides his fingers down, past the waistband of Jared’s swimming shorts. As Jared brings his legs up to wrap around Jensen’s waist, Jensen feels the rubber ridge of a plug in Jared’s shorts. 

He rips his mouth off Jared’s chest. “Are you wearing a plug right now?” he gasps up at Jared.

Jared shrugs as much as he can. “Gotta be prepared. My big brother taught me that.” 

Jensen can’t help but laugh. “You little shit. This was not the scenario I had in mind.”

Jared grins down at him. “Potato, plug-tatoh.” 

Jensen laughs again, his heart filling up with love for this beautiful, giant idiot. He pulls down Jared for a kiss again, before pulling away and whispering, “I guess we better make good use of that then.”

Jared smiles at him. “You know what I want, Jensen?”

Jensen sinks his fingers into Jared’s hair. “What do you want, little brother?” He feels the full-body shiver that runs through Jared and quietly laughs into Jared’s mouth. 

Jared looks him right in the eye. “I want you.”

Jensen kisses him. “You’ve had me since the moment I met you, and I was wrapped around your tiny little finger. You’ve had me when I was desperately trying to run away, and you have me now.” He leans his forehead against Jared’s.

“You have me forever.”


End file.
